A Bullish Situation

Major discussion on this one, the context being a mutual friend in precisely such a situation. [The discussion last night threatened to take on a life of its own to the neglect of said friend.] Say a cow (could be bull for that matter, just for convenience sake) is upset about an issue and raises it to a bull. If bull does not give due reply or response to said issue, it would be deemed as if he didn’t care enough to do something about it. The counter-argument is if the bull doesn’t deem it an issue the way the cow does, then surely he is entitled to have his opinion on the matter and choose not to address the issue or make the necessary adjustments.

This however, isn’t ideal, since the cow remains unhappy, and the bull never gets to relate to the problem. Cow argues that the petitioner requires a response, because after all it is precisely the person with the issue who would raise the issue. The person with no problem will of course continue to see no problem at all. Without a response to the issue, no problem will ever get remedied.

Our agreed-upon analogy is a complainant approaching customer service. While the complainant may or may not be in the right, it is customer service's purview, indeed his responsibility, to redress the complaint. Failure to do so would be customer service's fault. Whether he agrees with the complainant and remedies the issue, or offers some other sweetening deal to offset the problem, is still a correct response.

I grant the ball is in the bull's court, so the speak, but why are cows so difficult...

Bull

Whose problem is it?

Now here's a situation worth a debate.
Woman isn't happy with the marriage, yup, she wants more sex, more tender moments, less arguments and tantrums, but Man, on the other hand is perfectly at bliss. The woman gives in, offers the comforts and all is well in his world.

So who's at fault?
The man for not keeping the woman happy?
Or the woman, for wanting more than what the man is willing to give?

If the woman makes a stand, she now comes across as demanding and unhappy, she's the baddie, rocking the boat, stirring shit, discontented bitch.
But why should one settle, why should the man be allowed to get complacent.
During courtship, men are willing to move heaven and earth for a smile, no? what happened?....marriage?

And in a situation as such, who needs to come begging?

Free-Range Beef

So how does one care for the opposite sex? By that of course I mean to cover all the necessary aspects of love, concern, presence, etc that make up the vitals of a relationship.

Unfortunately, there are areas a person has no reach over. While one can influence and affect all possible available time and space one has contact with with one's partner (eg. all the hours spent together, all the living space shared, all emotional connections that carry over regardless of circumstance), can one meaningfully and positively affect the other in the facets one has no reach over, such as work, or the other's family or friends?

Of course a person can ingratiate himself with his partner's friends, or family for that matter. But I don't mean to be describing his ability to present himself well - that's for his own sake. I mean what he can do to make his other half deal better, do better or even be better in whatever the other half is doing? In other words, can a man help a woman be, say, a better daughter to her parents? Can a person make it so that his partner's work situation becomes better (largely through what he does for his partner, since arguably he can't change the work scenario)? Or are we all helpless bystanders, hands tied, hopeful only in making one's partner relationship with oneself fulfilled, but no more?

Bull

Advert: looking to buy a slower lifestyle, would pay good money for extra time.

How many of us have camped in the office till the wee hours of the morning wondering if it's all worth it? We put in such long hours, yet the work never finishes. It's like a bad joke, and everyone gets it but you.

The strive for the comfortable lifestyle means we work super long hours, go home stoned out from one too many emails and drag ourselves to bed just to start again in 5 hours.

Who's actually enjoying the lifestyle we so crave?
Are there friends who actually get paid tons to work 8-hr days? Who are these people, better, who are their employers. Someone help me get out of this mad mad world!

My back hurts, my eyes are dull and dry, my throat feel like sandpaper and I haven't had time to pee for hours. The weird pressing (almost tingling) feeling in my kidneys is a common sensation, afterall I'm typing this and still no where closer to the loo. It just takes too damn long to walk the 3 mins to get there...when I return there are always 10 more emails in the inbox! It's like a conspiracy,you look away from your (finally) all blue mailbox for a sec and 20 unread mail miraculously appear. sigh.

Didn't we use to have more time when things travelled by snail mail? Are we more efficient or just more demanding, we now want to communicate EVERYTHING! Each word, each sentiment, each thought, each demand. sigh. get a life. I need one badly.

Bulls and Bears

It's far too idealistic to suppose that any given couple liked each other equally before they got together. (It is quite romantic though to think of two people encountering each other, and either straightaway, or after a developmental period of time, grew simultaneously in affection, leading to a committment.) I'm told that more often than not, one party is usually more interested, more enthusiastic than the other (not necessarily the bull, and not necessarily just in terms of courtship, but way into the relationship as well), and they end up together because the pursuer persists and receives his or her reward, and the pursued is flattered, touched, moved by such affection that he or she responds in kind.

This however, discomfits me a little, because it almost feels as if such a relationship would have begun as an unequal partnership in the first place, and its foundations more possibly tested once coupledom status quo is established such that the once-pursuer needn't try so hard (or at all) and the once-pursued still never having to worry about putting the requisite effort into the dynamics. This makes for a worst-case "What I thought I wanted isn't really what I want" in-your-face reality vs "I never wanted this in the first place" defensive retreat.

Problem from the very start?

Bull

To touch or not to touch, that is the question

haha, come on....What's the beef over cuddles in bed? Everyone. Really. It's the most boring form of fore-play (if it's even fore-play at all), it's yucky after sex (eeew, sweaty, stinky bods) and it's pointless before sleep (won't a good nite kiss suffice?)

I cannot sleep with someone's breath in my face so cuddling is out. I hate restriction of movements so spooning is out (what if I wanna turn about?) and what's with the touching of feet and hands stuff? Are we that insecure? Really!? Sheezzz, just bloody go to sleep for god's sake! Sleep is precious, beautiful and necessary man.

Spooning in the mornings are acceptable though. That I like. It's a beautiful reminder of having woken up with someone you love next to you. And I do recommend spooning (no one needs to suffer the other's morning breath)to cuddling here. Nothing beats slipping into consciousness cocooned in someone's big happy arms (and sometimes big heavy legs, such fun!).

So cows sleep standing, but once in a while we bend over to accommodate.
ZZZ...

Cows Sleep Standing Up

I guess all clueless bovines, bulls and cows included, are affectionately desperate for any advice that might give them insight into matters of relationship, even if said advice was superficial, generic, typecast sort. That's also because many often see themselves as falling into a certain personality type or star sign, so this self-fulfilling self-categorisation is best understood by those who resort to explanations which help elucidate such categories of behaviour.

On a different note, much has been said about couple sleep positions in women’s books and magazines (Never in guy mags – never. Of pre-sleep positions however, certainly much more has been written about. Heh. I think the presumption is that the sleep part of the bed activity is the last concern on their minds.) The much that has been said though, seem to revolve around the most obvious and truistic of interpretations: couple facing each other – romantic and loving, couple spooning – comfortable and close, couple facing away – independent and colder. That’s about as helpful as matching compatibilities through (again) personality types, star signs, favourite alcohol drinks, taste in clothes, etc.

This popped up because I was making fun of Cow for her lack of need for body contact while sleeping – something of a surprise for me since all the old cows I remember wanted some way or other to drape arms or curve bodies or even cross feet as a way of being ‘in touch’ so to speak for the duration of the night. Cow’s defence was that the last bull was likewise unfettered by such cheesy needs as well, and that sleep was a purely pragmatic activity to singularly get from consciousness to unconsciousness in the most efficient manner possible. I suspect a similar pattern may be observed for post-coital cuddles.

Now I’d like to see a women’s magazine give that some exploration.

Bull

Granted

Ok, ok, granted. It's hard work for any 2 persons to get along and so ideally 50/50 give-and-take both in sex and arguments is good. (Hey, no one wants to do all the work in either right?)

But in general, us cows do spend a lot of time analysing bulls and their somewhat bizarre behaviour. Ok, ok, I'm also prepared to admit we rather enjoy it. Cows do see ourselves as ms/mrs know-it-alls when it comes to bulls and are frankly quite happy to invest our waking hours to analysis and speculation of the bull-kind.

But let's look at it again carefully, as cows strive for this superiority, aren't we at the very same time admitting our intrinsic lack of bull knowledge? That's why we spend major parts of our single and married lives trying to figure you out! Now THAT'S investment in a relationship!

Bulls on the other hand are convinced they know cows inside out. They have theories, methods, remedies that are handed down generation to generation, grandfathers to fathers, fathers to sons, uncles to nephews, buddies to the drunken stranger passed out on the pub floor. You name it. ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS!

The book too is just a handing down of generalised cow stuff in print, potentially a complete disaster!

So yes, read the book if you must...the wanting to understand us cows is a mammoth step and for that, we love you.

But if we cows take the time to understand bulls one at a time, and care to devote our hearts to this very personalised character analysis on a day to day basis, then shouldn't we be granted the same attention?

Babe, get to know me.

Just this one cow, your cow. Moo.

Wrangling

Yesterday I just bought 'Mars and Venus Together Forever' for a couple, to help them figure out their wrangling, although I don't know which of them to give it to. Cow says to give it to the husband, but then she's bound to say that. I suppose it's always assumed that the man in the relationship is always more clueless when it comes to relationship things, although it's my firm belief that if the woman hasn't gotten us figured out, they won't get very far with us either. It's about understanding after all, not about dictating.

On a slightly different note, in response to my suggestion that she take a look at the book as well, Cow petulantly pointed out that Brad Pitt walked when Gwyneth Paltrow tried to make him read a Mars and Venus book. To which the only equivalent reminder on my part was that Nicholas Cage divorced Lisa Marie Presley only after 107 days because she made him get rid of his Superman comics.

Once again, the moral of the story: don't try to control your partner.

Bull

Bankie Wankies

Ever notice how banks sell themselves as the financial gurus with eminent knowledge of the $$$ game. Then you call them in awe expecting some white-haired intellect to plan your loans, investments, retirement kitty only to find some young 20-something at the end of the line who can barely balance her damn credit card account~!

Just got screwed over by one such blonde planning my house loan. This skinny ah lian who speaks (or barely speaks) English like she graduated from some (no doubt) Australian Uni (and I mean this in a I-so-couldn't-make-it-to-NUS way) couldn't even understand what my existing loan components were!

This cock-sure ding dong made promises she couldn't spell and left me with no loan at the end of a 3-mth application process and potentially the lawyer's bill as well.....Don't they need to know more than just the alphabet to represent a bank! Sheeeeeze...

It's a wonder why anyone would trust banks anyway, they are just insurance companies with a better frontage and more impressive reception counters - the better to wank you off your hard earned cash!

They raise loan interest rates the minute a minister breathes economy upturn and would probably sell their moms to buy bonds (arguably both are long term, but one COULD potentially offer a better pay-out for lower investments).

Ok, that's my beef for today. Nuff said (for now) till my ah lian returns with more excuses for her sad existence .

Cow

New Slice

Ok, it'll be the both of us having a go at life, love and all-other relationship matters. We'll start with the usual Harry and Sally cliches and work our way through all the usual tabloid gossip and sad stories from our unfortunate friends. It's a shared blog because we can't see ourselves duking it out over individual ones, and we might as well let our dinner-time disagreements over such things spill over anyway.

Bull