Cows Sleep Standing Up

I guess all clueless bovines, bulls and cows included, are affectionately desperate for any advice that might give them insight into matters of relationship, even if said advice was superficial, generic, typecast sort. That's also because many often see themselves as falling into a certain personality type or star sign, so this self-fulfilling self-categorisation is best understood by those who resort to explanations which help elucidate such categories of behaviour.

On a different note, much has been said about couple sleep positions in women’s books and magazines (Never in guy mags – never. Of pre-sleep positions however, certainly much more has been written about. Heh. I think the presumption is that the sleep part of the bed activity is the last concern on their minds.) The much that has been said though, seem to revolve around the most obvious and truistic of interpretations: couple facing each other – romantic and loving, couple spooning – comfortable and close, couple facing away – independent and colder. That’s about as helpful as matching compatibilities through (again) personality types, star signs, favourite alcohol drinks, taste in clothes, etc.

This popped up because I was making fun of Cow for her lack of need for body contact while sleeping – something of a surprise for me since all the old cows I remember wanted some way or other to drape arms or curve bodies or even cross feet as a way of being ‘in touch’ so to speak for the duration of the night. Cow’s defence was that the last bull was likewise unfettered by such cheesy needs as well, and that sleep was a purely pragmatic activity to singularly get from consciousness to unconsciousness in the most efficient manner possible. I suspect a similar pattern may be observed for post-coital cuddles.

Now I’d like to see a women’s magazine give that some exploration.

Bull

Granted

Ok, ok, granted. It's hard work for any 2 persons to get along and so ideally 50/50 give-and-take both in sex and arguments is good. (Hey, no one wants to do all the work in either right?)

But in general, us cows do spend a lot of time analysing bulls and their somewhat bizarre behaviour. Ok, ok, I'm also prepared to admit we rather enjoy it. Cows do see ourselves as ms/mrs know-it-alls when it comes to bulls and are frankly quite happy to invest our waking hours to analysis and speculation of the bull-kind.

But let's look at it again carefully, as cows strive for this superiority, aren't we at the very same time admitting our intrinsic lack of bull knowledge? That's why we spend major parts of our single and married lives trying to figure you out! Now THAT'S investment in a relationship!

Bulls on the other hand are convinced they know cows inside out. They have theories, methods, remedies that are handed down generation to generation, grandfathers to fathers, fathers to sons, uncles to nephews, buddies to the drunken stranger passed out on the pub floor. You name it. ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS!

The book too is just a handing down of generalised cow stuff in print, potentially a complete disaster!

So yes, read the book if you must...the wanting to understand us cows is a mammoth step and for that, we love you.

But if we cows take the time to understand bulls one at a time, and care to devote our hearts to this very personalised character analysis on a day to day basis, then shouldn't we be granted the same attention?

Babe, get to know me.

Just this one cow, your cow. Moo.

Wrangling

Yesterday I just bought 'Mars and Venus Together Forever' for a couple, to help them figure out their wrangling, although I don't know which of them to give it to. Cow says to give it to the husband, but then she's bound to say that. I suppose it's always assumed that the man in the relationship is always more clueless when it comes to relationship things, although it's my firm belief that if the woman hasn't gotten us figured out, they won't get very far with us either. It's about understanding after all, not about dictating.

On a slightly different note, in response to my suggestion that she take a look at the book as well, Cow petulantly pointed out that Brad Pitt walked when Gwyneth Paltrow tried to make him read a Mars and Venus book. To which the only equivalent reminder on my part was that Nicholas Cage divorced Lisa Marie Presley only after 107 days because she made him get rid of his Superman comics.

Once again, the moral of the story: don't try to control your partner.

Bull

Bankie Wankies

Ever notice how banks sell themselves as the financial gurus with eminent knowledge of the $$$ game. Then you call them in awe expecting some white-haired intellect to plan your loans, investments, retirement kitty only to find some young 20-something at the end of the line who can barely balance her damn credit card account~!

Just got screwed over by one such blonde planning my house loan. This skinny ah lian who speaks (or barely speaks) English like she graduated from some (no doubt) Australian Uni (and I mean this in a I-so-couldn't-make-it-to-NUS way) couldn't even understand what my existing loan components were!

This cock-sure ding dong made promises she couldn't spell and left me with no loan at the end of a 3-mth application process and potentially the lawyer's bill as well.....Don't they need to know more than just the alphabet to represent a bank! Sheeeeeze...

It's a wonder why anyone would trust banks anyway, they are just insurance companies with a better frontage and more impressive reception counters - the better to wank you off your hard earned cash!

They raise loan interest rates the minute a minister breathes economy upturn and would probably sell their moms to buy bonds (arguably both are long term, but one COULD potentially offer a better pay-out for lower investments).

Ok, that's my beef for today. Nuff said (for now) till my ah lian returns with more excuses for her sad existence .

Cow

New Slice

Ok, it'll be the both of us having a go at life, love and all-other relationship matters. We'll start with the usual Harry and Sally cliches and work our way through all the usual tabloid gossip and sad stories from our unfortunate friends. It's a shared blog because we can't see ourselves duking it out over individual ones, and we might as well let our dinner-time disagreements over such things spill over anyway.

Bull